A beer taster's journey into the unkown

Something a bit different on the Commercial Room today, as our regular contributor Ian Owen reluctantly attends a wine tasting event.

It all began with a fairly innocuous question posed by The Brunette one evening in January: ‘Darling, I've got us tickets for a wine event in Cardiff, do you fancy it?’ Gulp! Grapes and wine could not be further removed from this beer lover’s comfort zone of dark malty ales, heavy stouts and smoke-peat infused whiskies. The culprit was a so-called ‘wine tasting’ evening at the St David's Hotel, hosted by Virgin Wines.

As the day approached I equipped myself with a range of flowery wine descriptions courtesy of the Sunday supplements, so not to come across as a complete novice you see. With strict instructions to wear the ‘nice jacket’, keep the scepticism at home, not to be miserable and under no-circumstances to use my fall-back wine appreciation phrase of ‘it’s nice – tastes like grapes’...I was ready.

We arrived sharply at 6pm and were cleared to enter by the Virgin employee following a quick skim of her iPad. It cost £10 each to get our names on the pixelated list for the event, which was scheduled to finish at 8:30pm. On entering we were presented with a menu detailing the 90 or so wines available to sample, the idea being that you'll like some of them enough to part cash for a case or four. Swiftly doing the maths, I calculated I should be aiming to try a new wine every two minutes or so, not wanting to miss out on anything, like! Perfectly achievable!

The conference room, hanging over the spectacular Cardiff Bay, had the unmistakable stench of middle class superiority, and my initial instinct was to recoil away from the cord jacketed and Boden dressed inhabitants, sheepishly following The Brunette as she confidently made her way to the first table (she being far more familiar with such ‘rah’ affairs!). Around the outer edge of the room were the tables filled with wine, with their smiling producers stood poised to pour and to ‘chit-chat’ about things like ‘bouquets’ and ‘volume’ and ‘legs’. In the centre was the designated mingling area, whilst a large table full of cheeses and their grinning producers stood proudly at one side of the room, samples available to help soak up the drink for those who had overindulged.

We quickly formulated a plan which would enable us to sip our way through all 90 bottles in the time available to us...or at least that was the intention. First we would tackle the whites (rationale mainly being that they were quickly swiggable and easier to down), followed by the reds…simple! However, to be honest we were so pissed by the time we got half way around the whites that the strategy quickly changed to a far more informal approach of ‘let’s try that wine – the producer looks friendly and he gives big pours’.

Photo - Ian Owen

Servings were generous and – joy of joys – there was not a spitter in the room! After a tentative first 45 minutes I began to feel a tad more confident, even indulging in a spot of uncharacteristic ‘small-talk’ with the experts at one point. I was especially taken with a typical no-nonsense Australian fella who instructed me, whilst I sipped a fruity chenin blanc and struggled to think of something intelligent to say, to ‘get it down your neck mate – there are three more to try on this table and you haven’t got all night!’ All in all, the producers were friendly and approachable, there was no pressure to say something of ground-breaking insight about the booze, and nobody disapproved of you if you held your glass up for another pour or asked a daft question. It quickly became clear that this was my type of wine tasting!

As a value for money event, this shin-dig really could not be faulted. I can say with 100% certainty that I drank greatly in excess of a tenner’s worth of wine. In any case, the entry fee is fully refundable against any purchases you do make on the night. At this price, I was genuinely surprised that the demographic for the event did not consist solely of cash-strapped alcoholics and students – they really are missing a trick!

At around 8:20 however the real fun started! The Brunette and I were sampling some Argentinian reds when the gent manning the table (a tanned, willowy cross between Kurt Cobain and Hugh Grant) leaned over and subtly informed us that he had to leave to catch his train back to London and we should ‘continue to help ourselves’. Sniffing a golden opportunity, we stood our ground at the deserted table and proceeded to brazenly pour ourselves ‘full to the brim’ glasses of the £30 a bottle plonk.

Approached by a young couple from Bridgend who rumbled us – we shared out the swag and made some new friends. As the room started to empty and other attendees were invited to move downstairs to fill out their order forms, the full extent of the situation gradually dawned on us; we had been left alone in a room with at least 50 opened bottles of fine wine, and nobody was asking us to leave! What is known in Valley’s speak as ‘a result’.

So - by 11:40 and accompanied by the two jolly cheese-makers and our new mates from Bridgend, it would be fair to say that we were all thoroughly slaughtered. So, we did what comes naturally to a Merthyr boy; we moved downstairs and went to the hotel bar...

P.S – We diligently spent the evening compiling thorough tasting notes and reviews of each and every wine we tried. I would love to share these with you, telling you in detail about the grapes, the vintage and the vineyard and making recommendation, but it turned out that I left them in one of the hotel toilets...

Ian Owen was born in Merthyr Tydfil and currently lives in Cardiff. He spends his leisure time training for marathons, cultivating his taste for fine ales, whiskies and wines, climbing mountains, watching sports, organising his next holidays and trying his very best to not fall off his bike. Ian is an avid and knowledgeable supporter of live music and attends a variety of concerts and festivals in Wales, the UK and around the globe.